you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
