So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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