O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
worst night to have a conscience
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
