Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
