I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
