sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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