i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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