I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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