No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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