He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
