tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
