I'm jealous of your bromance
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
