We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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