why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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