if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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