I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
this hospital has no fireball
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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