just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
