I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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