That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
