coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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