So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
