Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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