My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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