This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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