it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
