Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
