Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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