My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
