Swine flu. Run for my life!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
