okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
