I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
