My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
