doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
