i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
