Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
