Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
