3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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