some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
