make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
