Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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