3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
