so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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