He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
