Actions speak louder than pants.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You made out with two different species that night
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
