Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
