i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
