New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
