So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
