Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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