What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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